Urban Meyer

What the fuck kind of a name is Urban? What’s his brother’s name—InnerCity?

Posted in Trends | Leave a comment

Pushers in the Checkout Line

Oh, people. Is there a more annoying species on the planet? You’d think we’ve sunk so low that there could only be improvement. But no. I see it getting worse. We have not hit rock-bottom yet and that scares the crap out of me. Our extreme, self-centric behaviors at the expense of basic courtesy is becoming a rampant virus, one with a strain so virulent that nobody can even think about finding a cure.

The damage from the virus increases exponentially. Let’s give up the feckless War on Drugs and War on Crime, shall we? Let us instead declare the War on Stupidity.

Case in point: I’ve noticed that virtually every time I’m waiting in a checkout line, the person behind me gives me absolutely no space whatsoever. None. They might as well blow sweet nothings in my ear and stand on my Achilles tendons.

Sometimes I move forward one inch to see how they react, and sure enough, they move forward one inch so I can still smell their breath, redolent of bacon and eggs.

Do these morons think that climbing on my arse would somehow expedite the pace of the 5 people in front of me? How does that work?

Is it to try and get me to shove the person I’m in back of? Start a domino effect and put everyone on the ground so the ass in back of me and walk on our fallen bodies and get his shit done before everyone? Seriously, I’d like to know: What—Is—The—Thought—Process?

I retract my declaration of the War on Stupidity. I just realized you can’t win that war. What was I thinking up there? The Stupidity strain has taken over,  evidenced by the overwhelming popularity of Sarah Palin, Kim Kardashian, and Dane Cook. No one with half a brain could possibly find these people, respectively, knowledgeable, interesting, or funny. Yet the zeitgeist has spoken—YAY!—for these fools.

The War is over. They’ve won.

Still, one of these days when I’m in a line at the supermarket and some dolt is trying to get me to go forward when there’s no where to go, I may have to bring out my airhorn and blast it in their direction.

Hey, I can still win a battle here and there.

Posted in Annoying behavior, Trends | Leave a comment

Matt Damon is not a leading man

I will go on record by stating that Matt Damon “seems” like a nice, articulate guy off the screen. By all accounts, he is genuine—an admirable, rare quality in Hollywood.

However, when I watch one of his films where he is cast as the leading man, my only thought is, “Where is the leading man?” I don’t buy it. Not for a second. I can’t think of someone who is mis-cast so frequently. Matt Damon is not a leading man.

Maybe it’s purely because of his likability factor that he gets these parts, or that steely, number-crunching studio execs plug his name into an esoteric box-office algorithm and his name brings in more profits. I don’t know. It is a mystery to me.

He is perfectly capable in supporting roles such as “Ocean’s 11″, one of the most fun movies of the last decade, but leading man? Nope. Sorry. Doesn’t cut it. Can’t carry a film alone. Hell, Ceasar from “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” was more suited to this function.

I watched “The Adjustment Bureau” the other day and, besides having logic holes and no serious threat to generate its needed suspense, it felt like there was a major chasm somewhere in the fabric of the film. Something vague was missing. And then I realized what it was: There was no leading man! Only Matt Damon. I kept waiting for his big brother or something to join in the fun and take over the reins of the film, but nope. Just Matt.

My favorite thing about him is his Sarah Palin rant. That’s classic. Otherwise, no one in his circle has the balls to tell him the truth. You’re not a #1. Stick with #2 and you’ll be fine. Speaking of which, I have to take a dump.

Posted in Celebrities, Movies | Leave a comment

WTF Obama??

I’m starting to question the decision-making of El Presidente.

The first sign of worry was when he said the public option was not needed to pass health reform. This was the only element of a bill that would have actually fallen under the category of “reform.” The biggest problem for the middle-class is affordability of the skyrocketing cost of health insurance, and a public option would have almost certainly provided more affordable coverage. What did we get instead? Access to health care if you’re poor (Ok, that’s good, but what about the middle?), the option to stay on your parents’ plan until you’re 26 (Ok, that’s good, but most young people could get by without health insurance anyway), and finally, elimination of pre-existing condition exclusions (Nice). But the biggest problem—cost containment—was not addressed. Doesn’t feel like reform to me. More like shoving the sticks of lollipops in a big pile of manure.

Worry #2: The Big O hires Wall St. insiders for Secretary of the Treasury (Geithner), and economic advisor (Larry Summers, part of the three-headed hydra that told derivative whistle-blower Brooksley Born to take a hike—the economy is booming, thank you very much!). Remember all that talk about Main Street? Woulda been nice if O’s economic team didn’t have their tentacles wrapped around Big Money.

Three: The Decision to invade Libya. So while America is sinking in a recession (I don’t believe the Economic Bureau of Research for one second) and has nothing left to feel hopeful about—education, the infrastructure, cost of living, health care, the concentrated wealth at the very top (top 1% has control over 20% of national wealth), the drowning of the middle class, the real estate market, the wars in Iraq (yeah, no combat missions, but we’re stuck there a while) and Afghanistan—a decision is made, without clearance from Congress btw, to bomb Libya, a country that has no impact whatsoever on our national security. It’s literally absurd.

Oh, and #4: The Extension of tax cuts on the very rich. Increasing taxes by a mere 3% to get back to Clinton-era levels, would do wonders for the national debt. But O caved to the Great Oppressive Party. And now we’re talking about cuts for middle class programs?? This is a sick, sick joke.

I’m beginning to think he does not know who to listen to, or how to create a plan to get this country out of W’s mess. Furthermore, it appears he’s basing his decisions on those of prior administrations solely because they were decisions, even that of the dreaded W. Come on man, you’re smarter than this. Trust thyself. Get these fat cats out of your way, and listen to Main Street. Tax cuts for the rich do not trickle down. This has been proven ever since the debt has escalated to astronomic proportions after Reagan cut the tax on the rich from 70-ish% to 28%. Correlation can not be disputed.

He’s not sunk yet. Things he can do to inspire me:

1) Increase cap on Social Security

2) Fight for a public option (yeah, right, good luck with the GOP House)

3) Increase the tax on the wealthy by 5% (they won’t even know it’s gone, trust me)

4) Do something, anything, to make aggressive plans for clean energy. Good for the planet, good for jobs. Solar, wind. It. Can. Be. Done.

Do I see any of these things happening? No. Well, I give him room on #4. But at this point, we’re sinking too fast to be able to see any light above.

Posted in Politicos | 2 Comments

The Supreme Court vs. United States

It’s rapidly becoming apparent that the Supreme Court’s recent appalling decision in the Citizens United case has torn down the walls of democracy. The decision to allow corporations, under the guise of shady “non-profits”, to contribute unlimited money–without disclosure–to political campaigns has replaced our democratic platform with one dominated by the very wealthy. And–surprise!–the GOP is the primary beneficiary of these contributions which are being used mostly to instill fear into the voters by demonizing the democratic (yep, lower case)  agenda.

Forget about grassroots campaigns. Forget about everyday Americans having a say in their government. It’s so bad that even foreign corporations have been solicited by the GOP to contribute money for their smear campaigns against Democrats who are trying to limit outsourcing, ergo, create jobs, for middle America. Some Pledge to America, eh?

“We promise to solicit undisclosed sums of dollars from international sources to prevent the creation of small businesses and jobs here at home. But look, I drive a pick-up truck!”

I was reading the dissenting opinion of Justice Stevens and a few quotes jumped out at me:

“The majority’s approach to corporate electioneering marks a dramatic break from our past. Congress has placed special limitations on campaign spending by corporations ever since the passage of the Tillman Act in 1907…”

And:

“The Court today rejects a century of history when it treats the distinction between corporate and individual campaign spending as an invidious novelty born of Austin v. Michigan Chamber of Commerce , 494 U. S. 652 (1990) . Relying largely on individual dissenting opinions, the majority blazes through our precedents, overruling or disavowing a body of case law including FEC v. Wisconsin Right to Life , Inc., 551 U. S. 449 (2007) (WRTL) , McConnell v. FEC , 540 U. S. 93 (2003) , FEC v. Beaumont , 539 U. S. 146 (2003) , FEC v. Massachusetts Citizens for Life , Inc., 479 U. S. 238 (1986) (MCFL) , NRWC , 459 U. S. 197 , and California Medical Assn. v. FEC , 453 U. S. 182 (1981) .”

Finally:

“The Court’s ruling threatens to undermine the integrity of elected institutions across the Nation. The path it has taken to reach its outcome will, I fear, do damage to this institution… Their conclusion that the societal interest in avoiding corruption and the appearance of corruption does not provide an adequate justification for regulating corporate expenditures on candidate elections relies on an incorrect description of that interest, along with a failure to acknowledge the relevance of established facts and the considered judgments of state and federal legislatures over many decades.”

Gulp. Democrats can not even remotely compete with this explosion of corporate funding. Is it any wonder the Democrats are going to lose seats this November?

In the two years of the Obama presidency, there was long-awaited health care reform, financial reform, a job stimulus bill, combat troops were mercifully pulled from an unpopular war, and repeated extensions of unemployment benefits were given, yet the senseless, pulverizing demonization of “Obamacare” by the GOP and insurance lobbyists has scared most Democrats up for election this November into not even mentioning that they voted for health care reform, something this country was begging for. What is going on here??

Well, now we know. The deep chasm this country still finds itself in stems largely from W’s administration, yet the GOP has successfully, unbelievably, convinced millions that the Democrats are to blame. That’s simply not possible without massive sums of undisclosed campaign contributions wielding Wormtongue-like influence over the party that has lost its way.

Common Cause, anyone?

Posted in Politicos | Leave a comment

Film review

Date Night totally sucked. In fact, it was downright embarrassing. The End.

Posted in Movies | 1 Comment

Overpopulation Law #1

As you round a blind, dangerous curve on a road as wide as a toothpick, you can bet your ass there will be a car coming the other direction.

Posted in Overpopulation | 5 Comments

Why Major League Baseball Has Turned Me Off OR
The Case of John Lackey

LackeyBy the time the Boston Red Sox stormed their way to their second World Series of the New Millennia in 2007, I was part of “Red Sox Nation.” If you haven’t heard by now, this is the brand name given to the wide-sweeping group of diehard fans whose every mood is directly affected by everything to do with the Red Sox, be it the standings, trade-deadline stress, triple-A prospects, or what David Ortiz uses for mouthwash. That was me. I am not proud.

Here in 2010, I associate the Nation with the group of people who believe everything the Red Sox Marketing Machine, led by the astute Larry Lucchino, tells them to believe. And buy.

“Hey folks, step right up and buy some Red Sox crap! Want a coffee mug with a picture of that fatso, Wally the Green Monster? Here it is for a mere hundred dollars.”

Cha-Ching!

“Hey ladies! How about a lovely pink hat? We know you don’t understand baseball and only come to the game to be fashionable, but come on, you’ll look adorable. And for the low, low price of five hundred dollars.”

I’ll take two! Cha-Ching!

“Remember Wade Boggs? We got his Sox shirt for sale in the souvenir shop! Even has some of his hair on it. Thousand bucks.”

Wade who?

CHA-CHING!

It’s become increasingly apparent that the Nation is looked down upon by the Sox brass and taken for morons and Kool-Aid gulpers. Hard to argue.

Before this season, wunderkind General Manager Theo Epstein said that, after a very unexciting series of off-season acquisitions, this season was about “run prevention.” Say whuh?? Theo, whose offensive roster looked really boring, decided to sell to the Nation that his batch of lame deals, including some throwers and spare parts, was part of a plan to develop a contending team based on pitching and defense.

He said this with a straight face. Run prevention. When’s the last time anyone bought a ticket to Fenway park because they couldn’t wait to see defense?

“Hey kids, it’s a good thing your mom and I spent a month’s mortgage to drive across state lines, park in Boston, buy tickets to the Sox game, and spend a fortune on concessions because we’re gonna see some great throws to the cutoff man from center field tonight!”

The Red Sox, for as long as I can remember, have always garnered interest from offense, not how well someone can catch a pop-up. Yeah, there have been Hall of Fame pitchers like Pedro and Clemens. Okay. But to have expected that the thirsty fans believe the front office was building this team for a World Series by means of “run prevention” was–at best–stretching it, but more accurately, a laugh-out-loud joke.

Perhaps even more insulting was a contract offered before the 2010 season to a starting pitcher. And this is not endemic of the Red Sox alone, but the entire construct of the MLB. Salaries for ballplayers have skyrocketed the last 15 years or so, long passing Ridiculous, taking up residence in the Land of the Absurd. There are a host of targets to blame for this, including the spineless commissioner Bud Selig, the players’ union, and the advent of free agency.

Look no further to see just how crazy the money is than the Red Sox 2010 signing of one John Lackey.

Lackey, a starter, was signed, according to www.baseball-reference.com, to a 5-yr deal worth $82.5 million. That’s over $16 mil a year. Let’s break that down, shall we?

Starting pitchers are on the mound every five days of a 162 game season, so if they’re healthy, they’ll make about 33 starts per year. Making a wealthy living off of 33 work days a year is already nuts. Yeah, there’s training and all that crap, but performance is measured on the field. My boss won’t give me a raise if I attend a seminar on How to Plug in a Computer.

To make matters worse, if we divide $16 million by 33 days to figure out how much $$ Lackey earns per start, that amounts to: $484,000. Yep, that’s for one start. One day’s work.

Next, let’s look at the most important stat a starting pitcher has: ERA. More important than wins, losses, strikeouts, and all these other post-modern stats like WHIP. It’s all about the ERA.

As of this posting, nearing the end of the 2010 season, John Lackey’s season ERA is: 4.63. Using a minimum of 150 innings pitched on baseball-reference.com, that puts him 38th among American League starting pitchers. And that’s, using the above mininum IP of 150, out of a total of 46 pitchers. Pretty impressive, eh? 38th out of 46. He is being paid sixteen million dollars a year to, basically, suck. And oh, he is far from alone.

If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I never would have put in the time to study things in school like mathematics, English, science, or accounting. I would put all my efforts into learning how to be a mediocre starting pitcher so I could make my way to the MLB and really start sucking it up, bringing home millions of dollars for a few days of throwing a ball.

It’s crap like this that just within the last few years has turned me off. Not just from the Red Sox, but all of baseball. And maybe I should be thankful for the MLB destroying the game’s innocence and personality. I don’t have to waste hours upon hours every week clutching the armrests with every pitch and at-bat. I don’t have to pay attention in the off-season. When a game is on, my detachment converts the images and sounds into relaxing background noise instead of giving me a pounding headache.

But still, I miss the days where you knew who would be in every position on the lineup card year-in and year-out. Now, every roster has become an annual game of “Whatever Happened to Joe Blow?” and “Who Sent in These Clowns?

Seinfeld is right when he says we’re just rooting for laundry. And the linen has the kind of stains even Shout can’t remove.

Posted in Sports | 1 Comment

Naked Old Men in the Locker Room

There are few among us less shy than the naked old man in a gym locker room. In the flabby buff, he will casually put one foot on the bench–wrinkly junk hanging out–and, in floss-style, slowly towel off his twig and berries, all the while carrying on a conversation with his buddy about the latest news of the day. Cut to five minutes later, he is still naked. I say, this must stop.

Are they proud of their ancient folds and jiggling lumps? If it were some guy in great shape at least I could chalk it up to vanity, but this, this… well, it’s a mystery wrapped in a disgusting enigma.

Is it a message? Perhaps it’s their way of declaring, “I’m old. I do not give a fuck anymore about anyone or anything. Hey folks, here’s my grated-cheese ass-cheeks filled with jello! I won’t be putting a towel on for the next ten minutes! Get in on this while it’s hot!”

Are they trying to motivate me to exercise? “This is what you will become!” The truth is that they’re doing the direct opposite. I am not a gym rat, but I can’t think of a better reason NOT to show up at the gym anymore. One look at that, and I need to lie down, close my eyes and pretend I didn’t.

Posted in Annoying behavior | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Welcome to Billowing Smoke

I told myself I would never be so selfish as to start a blog. Well, it seems I’m a narcissist just like everyone else because here I am.

After observing and experiencing the sometimes frightening, daily vicissitudes of life in our go-go-go, me-me-me, I-want-it-now, no-time-to-stare-out-the-window 21st century, it became apparent that unless I had a forum with which to vent outrage and frustration, actual steam was about to blow out my ears, accompanied by the sound of Fred Flintstone’s end-of-work-day siren.

This is all complaints. Discursive complaints about movies, drivers, societal trends, politicos, sports, music, people who annoy me… all ranting and raving. Once in a while I may post something I like, probably a movie or book, but that’s about it.

There’s no place for publishing personal gains and successes on the web. We all have them from time to time. Posting them for the world to see is akin to Julia Roberts presenting at the Academy Awards and declaring to one billion people–ninety percent of which are probably miserable–”I love my life.” Somebody kill me.

Posted in Intro | Tagged | Leave a comment